Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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