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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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