so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize