she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I see more hoeing in ur future
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