the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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