I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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