i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize