i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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