When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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