Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize