making cat noises will not fix the situation.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize