I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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