I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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