so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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