so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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