my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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