Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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