dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
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Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
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