We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize