Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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