She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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