I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize