I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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