Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize