i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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