Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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