My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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