just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize