we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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