don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize