You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize