Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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