why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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