the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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