I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
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We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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