You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
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I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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