Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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