you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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