the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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