He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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