I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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