Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize