You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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