I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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