So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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