my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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