another moral hangover. fuck.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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