she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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