WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
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I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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