i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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